Go away

I'm gonna get another job application! Might get two jobs :3

Whee~

Fucking yes! I'm moving out sooner than i thought i'd move out >:E lets hope people! lets just hope!

*dances off*

A very strange dream..

Have you ever had a dream that... as a female.. you've had a penis...? God, and there was this one chick that looked like me.. and I offered her a book in exchange for a blow job.

o.o;; i'm a horn ball in my dreams too.

Geez.. no wonder god made me a girl.. @-@ but still... a book!? A freaken book! I wonder if some guys are that bad.. @-@ then again maybe thats another reason why I was made a girl... but is it strange to say that having a penis doesn't feel weird.. but a big fat bother when your horny? Cause EVERYONE knows....

Note: yes.. I WAS HUNG LIKE 8 REAL MEN (none of that asian crap)! Oooh~ beat that people! (guys mostly)

OOH!! And another thing... I WASN'T SCARED OF MY PENIS! O_O! dun DUN DUN!

I would write about how scared I am right now about current developments with school and re-newed connections with certain people, and how happy I am right now to know that everything is going to smoothly, even tho I am afraid that it might just come crashing down.

God.. please...keep giving me blessings...


Anyway! OMEN TOMORROW!!!! YEAHHH!!!

o.o and um...


boom >

I got a new hair cut! O_O

...sooo....*thinks.*



stay away! *hides*




... >:.

O_O;...

Developments took a sharp U-turn...

at this current moment, and at this point in my life...

realizing what your priorities are and what you have to do to keep them that way... god. My chest hurts so much, I hate this feeling.. I hate feeling this way... I hate it...


fuck...

Today I did yet another self-reflectioness.

I was just going through some of my comments and I noticed one from you, and I just wanna say that.. I know i've done some pretty fucked up shit to you in the past.. haha, god, that's an understatement. I was down-right rotten to you, and I gave you no reason for my behavior.

I'm never going to ask you to forgive me or be my friend, ever, and I also promised myself that I would never allow myself to be close with you again, so i'm sure you'd agree that we can't ever be anything remotely close to the word friend. Ever.

But I want you to understand that i've been doing some growing up, a lot of growing up. The truth is that you were a lot more mature than I ever was, and I was jealous of that, so I bashed at it. You always knew what you wanted and when you didn't know you'd be truthful about it. You knew me better than anyone so I never had to work at explaining myself with you, which irritated me to an extent.

I'd like to think that i've changed since then, and that I'm coming closer to the person that I want to be, but I still have a lot of shit to run through my head before I can even consider myself worthy of being your friend again. I can't get rid of you, just like you can't get rid of me... we have too much history, and truthfully, no matter what shit I pull, I still have a deep sense of trust and affection for you.

And I mean, I don't express it, nor do I tell you... I don't even talk to you as much as I wish I would.Maybe things would work out better if I pushed aside my shame and dialed your number... just that I don't work that way, i'm a distant person... and I have a problem with phones.. and calling people :/

But I hope you know that I am sorry for what i've done, and hopefully you grasp an idea of what i'm trying to say.

I don't know... love has a weird meaning to me, it's not like I can properly describe it, and even if I did it would some-how limit what I was trying to say- which would ruin the whole meaning of it, so I wont tell you that I do. But I just hope you know that I've always cared for you a great deal.

I don't want to be your friend, I don't deserve you.

But if you ever need me, don't hesitate to call... we should hang out sometime.

And yeah, our last meeting was... really ...emotional.. @-@ shitty shitty. I hated it.

You know who you are... so I hope you understand what i'm trying to say and don't get angry. Stay safe person :3


and on other things, I just finished my 12 hour shift, talked a bit with mikki and i'm talking with mimi now. Trying to sort out other things.. thinking too much. Stupid brain...

and yeah, thanks for reading, bai all!

Well, what can I really say.

Some of my plans for this year have changed drastically. I've made a few new friendships and found people that I was friends with before and started to be friends with again.

Not only that but i've also fixed up some things that I was thinking about ealier in the year.

My memories of highschool keep flushing back to me for some reason...

Priorities.. haha, yeah they have patched up as well, though some people might not agree with my decisions tho, so I have a message for those that don't...

here it is...

ready? :D

FUCK YOU.

<33 bai all!

PS. I miss mah peeps ;-; like momiji, nono-san n the sexy Blah, ;o; I vanna talk to chuu all more! xO So jah, sign on more so I can stalk yeh :3

First off I want to say Happy birthday to a good person, so yeah. Happy B-day stephanie ^-^

And for the most part, today was a decent day. I'm workin' late on the weekend tho... =_= burh.

( Random )

The Police And The Private

Metric


Get straight and wait here while I try to find the exit sign
When will you stop asking strangers, no one wants what we want
Keep one eye on the door, keep one eye on the bag
Never expect to be sure

You're working for the police and the private, the pirates and the pilots
Fingerprinted waiting for the train
The doctor, the writer, the hairdresser,
Felt up and fingerprinted waiting for the train

Lord lord mother we are all losing love
Lord listen lover we are all missing mama
Lord lord mother we are all losing love
Lord listen lover we are all missing something I don't got

There's a place that ends here I know
When they close the gates I'll cry
So tired of never sleeping
The whole world wants what we're on

Didn't make this up I learned, I learned it from a friend
My friend is coming clean, she told me
Keep one eye on the door, keep one eye on the bed
Never expect to be sure who you're working for

You're working for the police and the private, the pirates and the pilots
Fingerprinted waiting for the train
The doctor, the writer, the garbage collector
Felt up and fingerprinted waiting for the train

Lord lord mother we are all losing love
Lord listen lover we are all missing mama
Lord lord mother we are all losing love
Lord listen lover we are all missing love
Got to get out
Got to get to you, the orphanage is closing in an hour

I love this song.. I love this song... I love this song..

My kitty died...

Curious of what chib did on V-day?.. xD gawd..

I have a private entry.. if chuu have my pw you can read it. :3 happy reading!

Holy crap... how did the night just poof under me??? The sun is up allready...

xD ack i'm developing a nasty habit. Long time no read all! I bet things have progressed in your lives by a fair amount. For random sick ppl, GET WELL SOON!

xD the day is juuust starting, and even tho i've had no sleep it's gonna be glorious! :D

I gluv chuu my person...

@--@ I'm not sleepy.. shit happened.. x-mas...

wheee... and yeah.. boom >>

Sad little story i found, tis called "How Could You?"

When I was a puppy, I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh. You called me your child, and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend. Whenever I was "bad," you'd shake your finger at me and ask "How couldyou?" - but then you'd relent, and roll me over for a bellyrub.

My housebreaking took a little longer than expected, because you were terribly busy, but we worked on that together. I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed and listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect.We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because "ice cream is bad for dogs," you said), and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day.

Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love.

She, now your wife, is not a "dog person" - still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy. Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried thatI might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog crate. Oh, how I wanted to love them, but I became a "prisoner of love."

As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, poked fingers in my eyes, investigated my ears, and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them and their touch - because your touch was now so infrequent - and I would have defended them with my life if need be.

I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams, and together we waited for the sound of your car in the driveway. There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. These past few years, you just answered "yes" and changed the subject. I had gone from being "your dog" to "just a dog,"and you resented every expenditure on my behalf.

Now, you have a new career opportunity in another city, and you and they will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You've made the right decision for your "family," but there was a time whenI was your only family.

I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said "I know you will find a good home for her." They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog, even one with "papers." You had to pry your son's fingers loose from my collar as he screamed "No, Daddy! Please don't let them take my dog!" And I worried for him, and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about loveand responsibility, and about respect for all life. You gave me a goodbye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to takemy collar and leash with you. You had a deadline to meet and now I haveone, too.

After you left, the two nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago and made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads and asked "How could you?"

They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite daysago. At first, whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you - that you had changed your mind - that this was alla bad dream...or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me. When I realized I could not compete with the frolicking for attention of happy puppies, oblivious to their own fate,I retreated to a far corner and waited.

I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day, and I padded along the aisle after her to a separate room. A blissfully quiet room. She placed me on the table and rubbed my ears, and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief. The prisoner of love had run out of days. As is my nature, I was more concerned about her. The burden whichshe bears weighs heavily on her, and I know that, the same way I knew your every mood.

She gently placed a tourniquet around my foreleg as a tear ran down her cheek. I licked her hand in the same way I used to comfort youso many years ago. She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured "How could you?"

Perhaps because she understood my dogspeak, she said "I'm so sorry." She hugged me, and hurriedly explained it was her job to makesure I went to a better place, where I wouldn't be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself - a place of love and light sovery different from this earthly place. And with my last bit of energy, Itried to convey to her with a thump of my tail that my "How could you?" was not directed at her. It was you, My Beloved Master, I was thinking of. I will think of you and wait for you forever. May everyone in your life continue to show you so much loyalty.

The End

Today..

Sick, tired.. hungry, confused, angry.

Came home late from work... =_= so damn confused...

Yeah, don't you all just love December? =_=